My good friend Dick Groot provided me with the following quote, which put into words so much of what I was working through.  Hope it helps you as well… 

The need to prove that we exist as someone of substance – be it good or bad – is the only reason we experience conflict and reactionary behavior.  Whenever conflict arises, the need to prove has been set in motion. Whenever the need to prove is set in motion , we can be sure that our experience is underlain by doubt.  After all, when we know something to be a truth, we have no need to make that truth heard, understood, believed or acknowledged by anyone.

This understanding is the foundation upon which we begin our investigation; conflict = the need to prove = proof of doubt.  This equation, as a starting point for the investigation of self, immediately gives birth to a new perspective on blame and victim-consciousness. This focus sets in motion the regressive process of bringing to consciousness all the self-defeating, self-rejecting beliefs that prevent us from being fully present as the whole and complete being who we really are.

Conflict always denotes the need to prove.  The need to prove always denotes doubt. Where there is doubt, the truth is absent. Where there is conflict, there is self-doubt.  This means that conflict is the indicator that the true self is absent from our consciousness.  We are ignorant of our true being.  While ignorance of self persists, we remain incapable of fully engaging with life.  This means that the investigation of conflict is the gateway to conscious living.